


Epic Rap Battles of Historical Interruptions

by AquaEclipse



Series: Hetalia: DiverCity Alternate Universe [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Adopted Children, Adorable, Authoress Breaks the Fourth Wall, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Don't Judge Me, Don't Like Don't Read, Explicit Language, I should be doing homework instead why am I posting this now, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Originally Posted Elsewhere, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Protectiveness, epic rap battles of history - Freeform, innocent!Alaska, innocent!Liechtenstein
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 15:43:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16997859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AquaEclipse/pseuds/AquaEclipse
Summary: The Nations watch some episodes of Epic Rap Battles of History, but unforeseen consequences ensue. Warning for censored foul language, suggestiveness and yaoi. Official sequel of TDINE - Become One on FFN. Part of DCAU (on FFN). Bering Strait fic. First posted on FFN and edited (I think this versh is better!).





	Epic Rap Battles of Historical Interruptions

**Author's Note:**

> Note: Includes Hong Kong District/Neighbourhood OCs and they (plus HK himself) make up the Bauhinia 22. Their names and District-tan identities will be stated. More can be found in the DCAU collection on FFN.

For some reason, some of the Nations gathered up in the Central and Western duo's flat **(A/N: American translation: apartment)** after a World Meeting. Seriously, not even _I_ know why, and I'm writing this. Unlike most of the others' flats, theirs was spacious enough to hold everyone present, which included…the G12, the Alpine siblings (by adoption), Greece, Austria, Hungary and all of the Bauhinia 22. Don't even ask why that was possible, because it's not, really. Only the super-rich can afford big houses, and despite being the second richest district, Vicky and Lewis (both of them together are the Central and Western District) were _not_ that showing-off/over-the-top type.

It was chaotic (as always), until they turned to Autumn (Yuen Long), who was watching _Epic Rap Battles of History_ on her silver Samsung laptop.

A lot of bullets were fired at the end of the one she was watching, and a lot of blood was spilt. At that, she had already noticed that everyone else was watching, so she wordlessly clicked on _Skrillex vs Mozart_.

A couple of minutes later, let's just say that most of them were on Mozart's side…Austria included, of course - if he didn't support Mozart, who _would_ he be? Oh, and I actually had no idea who Skrillex is before watching this vid on YouTube myself. But then again, I've barely heard of dubstep music, let alone indulge in it. **(A/N: Honest.)**

Two rap battles later, the announcer, well duh, announced, " _Joan of Arc…_ "

"Jeanne d'Arc," a certain someone in the audience of Personifications corrected. Three guesses who. " _Versus…_ " the announcer continued, despite the interruption/correction, " _Miley Cyrus._ "

Throughout that one, _that certain someone_ was pretty much death glaring at the screen by the time Miley Cyrus' first verse was over…which was unfortunate, because she had a second verse. Of course, that's completely justified, due to said glarer's identity.

How that one ended was Joan - no, _Jeanne_ being patriotic. No guesses who the unanimous winner to that one was. Honestly, what were the creators thinking, putting a stone-cold badass up against a modern musical artist who I barely know of? Then again, I'm not the centre of the universe. But still.

The _Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton_ battle was…well, while they were trying to out-rap each other, half the Nations were glaring at either one of them…or both of them until near the ending…

"YES!" Well, in case you don't know what just happened in the video, and can't be bothered to watch it, spoiler alert: 'Lincoln' swooped in on a giant bald eagle. Which. Is. F**king. Awesome.

Honest.

And after a lot of ranting came the just-as-glorious part: "…OF THE PEOPLE!" Onscreen-Lincoln b-slapped onscreen-Trump while yelling at 'Clinton'. "BY THE PEOPLE!" And 'Lincoln' b-slapped 'Trump' _again_. "FOR THE PEOPLE! EAGLE!" And did I mention that America shouted the words with his 'ex-president'…and leapt up at the final word…and…"OW! Where'd my chair go?" Of course, all the other seats were occupied (because of course they were), and Vicky (Central/Admiralty) was yelling at Britney (Causeway Bay) for using magic "like that", and that she (Vicky) had to ask for IKEA discounts from their siblings again. Don't ask.

Never mind that she forgot about Britney's own IKEA branch.

Obviously, the only apparent solutions to that issue, other than the floor or standing (because everywhere else – including sofa/armchair arms and backs – was occupied), were – gasp! – sharing a chair or using someone else's lap as a cushion.

He chose the latter, somehow letting an arm curl around him like a seat belt. "So much for complaining about our PDA," Canada muttered.

Then came the _Eastern Philosophers vs Western Philosophers_ (aka Lao Tzu, Sun Tzu and Confucius VS Ni- _what-the-f**k-is-this_ , Socrates and Voltaire). Which is, in Nation terms, China versus Prussia…and France. Greece was supposed to take his _mama_ 's place, but y'know… _HE'S STILL F**KING ASLEEP, DAMMIT!_ It was alright…until spoiler alert: both sides turned on themselves, causing China to double-facepalm. ("Aiyah, those _báichī_ …")

The next one up was…" _Alexander the Great…versus…Ivan the Terrible!_ " (Le sigh ~ the pronunciation was totally _butchered_!) 'Alexander' was 'poisoned', because history's bound to repeat itself, isn't it? Then the legit sound of a flute playing – by the man onscreen - came on. For obvious reasons, Prussia was beaming.

"Old! Fritz! Old! Fritz! Old! Fritz! Old! Fritz!" he chanted with the vid's audio…until he started rapping, sat down in a chair…and died. Now that was anti-climatic. At least he went out with the dignity of going out on his own accord, instead of being beheaded by a garrote wire. Just seconds later, this guy called Pompey popped up. The man on the screen was grinning like a dramatic maniac…until his head was replaced by deep red liquid…and said head went missing. Blame yet another garrote wire. Cue the laughter…and the gasps of horror and shock…and the _kol-_ ing.

According to the woman singing, Macedonians, Prussians and Romans "weren't worthy opponents". "HEY!" Prussia immediately started cursing and declaring the female who said – _sang_ – that as "forever on his _unawesome_ list". South Italy was too shouting extremely rude phrases that would permanently land him on Santa's naughty list (thank God Finland's not there), while his little brother was trying to calm him down. _Trying_ being the key word – Lovi only yelled louder. **(Don't worry, I'm a girl, he'll forgive me. Probably.)**

Germany covered his ears. Austria and Hungary covered _each other's_ ears. Switzerland also covered Liechtenstein's ears at once, because #CinnamonRollProtectionSquad. And Nathan (Mong Kok) learnt some new vocabulary that evening.

To her, that was because "it takes a Russian to take down a Russian". One look at Russia himself was enough proof to see that he had happily changed sides. They let 'Catherine the Great' roast on, except until " _like Alaska 'cos I settled it_ " and for some reason, there was suddenly a soft knock at the door at that. "D-did somebody say my name?" asked what sounded like a young girl.

Ten seconds later, a white-haired, blue-eyed girl with the appearance on an eight-year-old entered the slightly cramped living room, an Alaskan malamute **(A/N: the Alaskan state pet/dog)** trotting at her heels. One would wonder how she even got there that fast, but that's not the point. "'Sup, Winnie?"

"Hi, Daddy! _Privyet, Papa!_ " **(A/N: Please tell me if I translated it wrongly…)**

3…

2…

1…

" _WHAT?!_ " half the room shouted.

England was spluttering out incomprehensible words, France was laughing (because of course that's the case), Philip (Wong Tai Sin) had already lost consciousness…yeah, the reactions varied, but two things were for sure: Hungary handing Japan some money, and the latter flipping through a sketchbook and grabbing a pencil from who-knows-where.

As everyone wasn't watching it, the rap battle was ignored completely, as Hungary brought out the 'visualizer' and the equipment to show everyone exactly what was going on in those filthy, filthy minds, and everyone else in the room snapped.

Winnie's eyes were promptly covered by her uncle who lived next door to her (in the metaphorical sense). Switzerland covered Liechtenstein's eyes, like he just covered her ears a couple of minutes back, because no, his little sister Erika did _not_ have to see this. Dexter (Kowloon City), being the protective big brother that he was, shielded Emily (Tsim Sha Tsui/Yau Ma Tei) and Nathan's eyes too, like he did from the tiger over a hundred and fifty years ago. Both Owen (Wan Chai) and Vicky had, each, put a hand over Lewis (Sheung Wan/Sai Wan)'s eyes to ensure that he could not witness the horror. China was trying – and failing – to cover Hong Kong's eyes, who had placed a hand over Willow (Sai Kung)'s eyes – she's the second youngest. As for the youngest, Skye (Outlying Islands) – she could handle herself. In fact, she was pinching her nose with some Tempo tissues, eyes glued to the 'screen' as crimson liquid gushed from her nose.

The rest of the Bauhinia 22 had simply left the room, led by Arlene (Eastern District). As a matter of fact, most of everyone else were either on the receiving end of covered eyes, or looking away. Even poor America himself was covering his own eyes, wondering why he had an intense _yaoi_ fanboy for a bestie.

Russia simply _kol_ -ed again and smiled in a way that seemed like part of Winnie's 'curious' expression, and would be considered sweet if everyone else didn't know better. "Do you want some live demonstration here, _da_?"

The effects were instantaneous. "NO!" Pretty much everyone shouted...the _only_ exceptions being the three _Yaoi_ Club members in the room, with Skye mysteriously whispering " _maybe?_ " and the other two more well-known ones joining in on the nose-pinching, their tissues already fast staining scarlet. Russia's grin only widened in the most innocent way possible…of course, innocent only to the ones that didn't know better. And he pulled a Grampy Rabbit – or a Mr. Gnome, whichever you prefer:

"I'll take that as a yes."

And he freaking dragged the guy not-so-coincidentally on his lap into the guest room. At that, all the other Personifications joined the already-left portion of the Bauhinia 22 in the lobby of the flat building. "Uncle Matthew, why are we leaving? What are Daddy and _Papa_ doing?"

"Just go, Winnie. Just go."

After they reached said lobby, Skye whispered in Hungary's ear, "HK$20,000 for the footage." **(A/N: At the exchange rate as of my time of writing this, that's approximately US$2,548, and even more than the _median monthly income_ in HK.)**

"Deal."

"Wait, _Wong Hoi-Lam Skylar_ , you put cameras in our flat?" Oops, looks like Vicky overheard that.

"Just in the guest room! Who wants to see their siblings' private parts? That's sickening! And it's not _Skylar_ , it's just Skye!"

**Author's Note:**

> So here are some tissues if you are dealing with a nosebleed *gives tissues*, and comments are greatly appreciated. I hope this lightened your mood for today a little. TTFN!  
> -MN


End file.
